Fun Fact: Apparently Oscar Wilde was 6’3”, which in the 1870s would have been the equivalent of like 6’7”-6’9” tall. He was so ridiculously huge and awkward that one of his friends described him as looking like a “great white caterpillar.” That is all.
When his lover’s father ( one of the founding father’s of boxing as a sport) showed up to kick his ass, Oscar stood up, pulled a gun and said something like
“I don’t know what the Queensberry rules are, but the Oscar Wilde rule is to shoot on sight.”
The more I find out about Oscar Wilde the more delighted I am.
You notice how Trump demolished the food safety laws and now, in the past month, we haven’t been able to eat lettuce, eggs, Tyson chicken, and watermelon because there are huge bacteria outbreaks?
fun fact: Michael Cera asked Rihanna if he could slap her ass for real and she said “you can slap my ass for real if I can slap you in the face for real” and he was like alright. and they did the take like 3 times and Michael was like “you’re not hitting me hard enough do it for real” and then she slapped the fuck out of him and threw off his equilibrium so much he had to go lay down in his trailer for like half an hour lmao and that’s the take they used in the movie with no added sound effects
“Babies only cry if they are hungry, need changing, or need to be picked up”
Lies
Babies (and small children) also cry for reasons such as:
1. “I am tired and that makes me angry”
2. “I scared myself with a fart”
3. “You are the wrong parent”
4. “I ran into something with my face”
5. “I’m facing the opposite direction then the one I want to”
6. “I fell asleep in one place and woke up somewhere completely different”
7. “I am a very small person in a very big world”
8. “I got scared because YOU farted”
Babies have more then 3 states of being and sometimes you just have to hold them and bounce them gently while saying solemnly “yes it is very hard to be a baby” because frankly it is
you have to remember that when you’re that tiny… pretty much any bad thing that happens to you is LITERALLY the WORST thing that has ever happened in your life. they have no perspective. everything is awful. help them
get your very own BOG MUMMIES we got BOG MUMMIES, right here right now, surprise your friends with BOG MUMMIES
it’s back to school season and you know what that means: BOG MUMMIES now with extra PEAT
Can i become a bog mummy
the only thing better than collecting BOG MUMMIES is BECOMING one
it’s NATURAL, it’s ORGANIC, and it’s COMPLETELY FREE OF CHARGE!!!
simply GO HIKING with your best BOG BUDDIES and relax into the SOFT AND WELCOMING expanse of SPHAGNUM MOSS and submit to the PICKLING PROCESS while you STRIKE A POSE
What the FUCK
it’s the FREE and ORGANIC way to KEEP YOUR LOOKS for 3,000 YEARS! Even your CLOTHING can be PERFECTLY PRESERVED!
had a dream obama and the guy who plays air guitar at the mall were about to fight and obama said “ violence for violence is the rule of beasts “ and i woke up because that was the rawest shit i ever heard
